How to Love Intentionally as an Entrepreneur Couple
“The good news is you don't have to choose between your marriage and your business. You just need the tools to navigate both.”
We’re deviating a bit from the normal conversations that focus specifically on SEO. But… you’re a whole human. And part of that is made up of your professional life & strategies. The other part is your personal life & fulfillment.
As Angela shares—
“It's great to build a business, but you don't want it to be at the expense of your relationship and your personal life.”
I mean, exactly! So then the age-old question comes up… is it even possible to have both a thriving professional AND personal life?
James has this to say—
“Our main focus is on the marriage and how the marriage is the catalyst and the foundation for growing the booming business.”
I don't know if I've shared on the podcast before, but my boyfriend and I are both entrepreneurs.
We are intimately familiar with just what it can look like for the business, or businesses, to be the priority. But with awareness + tools (like Angela & James share in this conversation, including their book Married & Magnetic), we’re able to have a much more intentional & balanced approach to both.
And while this isn’t exactly an SEO-focused episode, Angela attended one of my 🆓 workshops & I just about shouted when I heard what happened for them the very next week!
Buckle up—you’re gonna love this one!
Topics covered in this podcast episode:
The different types of “entrepreneur couples” that exist
The challenges entrepreneur couples face
…and the opportunities that exist in these relationships
What we do instead of working on our relationship or marriage
How to notice coping mechanisms that can creep in
The different tools we can have in our relationship toolbox
What newer and established entrepreneurs should be aware of
How to introduce a Marriage Meeting into your relationship
Things that can help rebuild the foundation of the relationship
How to create your own “How to Love Me” List
How SEO is helping more couples stay connected
Meet: Angela & James Mitchell
Angela and James Mitchell are the co-founders of Love Intentionally, a relationship coaching company dedicated to helping entrepreneurs stay happily married. As married entrepreneurs themselves raising three kids, they know firsthand how easy it is for connection and intimacy to get lost in the hustle. Angela brings 20+ years of experience in the counseling world, working with women, children, families, and couples, while James draws from his expertise as a lifelong entrepreneur and years as a high-performance transformational coach for men, couples, and business leaders. Together, they blend heart and strategy to help couples get on the same page, deepen their connection, and build a marriage that not only thrives, but fuels business success.
Mentioned Resources:
Skool Community (free weekly coaching calls + the Marriage Meeting Agenda)
Connect w/ Angela & James:
Listen to Angela & James' new Podcast: Married & Magnetic on Apple or Spotify
Connect w/ Brittany:
This episode of The Basic B podcast is brought to you in partnership w/ Leah Bryant Co.! Help me reach more service providers like you by following the show & leaving a rating or review on Apple & Spotify!
The unedited podcast transcript for this episode of The Basic B podcast follows
Hello and welcome back to the Basic Bee Podcast. I'm your host Brittany Herzberg, and I am thrilled to have you here as well as a couple of amazing guests with me. I'm joined by Angela and James Mitchell, and we are talking about how entrepreneurial couples can better navigate their relationship and business so both feel successful. I was introduced to Angela and James by a mutual friend, and I've even been able to read their book, which we're gonna get to talk about today. It's called Married and Magnetic. But before I bring them on, let me introduce you to them. Angela and James Mitchell are the co-founders of Love Intentionally, a relationship coaching company dedicated to helping entrepreneurs stay happily married. As married entrepreneurs themselves raising 3 kids, they know firsthand how easy it is for connection and intimacy to get lost in the hustle.
Brittany Herzberg: Angela brings 20+ years of experience in the counseling world. Working with women, children, families, and couples, while James draws from his experience as a lifelong entrepreneur and years as a high-performance transformational coach for men, couples, and business leaders. Together, they blend heart and strategy to help couples get on the same page, deepen their connection, and build a marriage that not only thrives but fuels business success. Hello, you two. I'm so happy to have you here.
Angela Mitchell: Yeah, thanks for having us.
James Mitchell: It's great to be here. Thank you.
Brittany Herzberg: Of course. For the listeners, this is deviating a little bit from like the normal conversations that we have about SEO. I would say previous seasons have been a little bit more how to optimize yourself and your business and your life. And then I went more toward SEO, but I got introduced to you too, read your book, saw everything, and I was like, we have to have this conversation.
Angela Mitchell: Yeah. I mean, for us, a lot of it is, you know, it's great to build a business and then also then you don't want it to be at the expense of your relationship and your personal life. So it's like, how can we have it all?
Brittany Herzberg: Yeah, I don't think it's asking too much either. I mean, so, so many people are like, I can't have it all, I can't ask for everything. It's like, why not? Yeah, why not? Why not? So I'm really eager to get into this conversation, and I don't know if I've actually shared on the podcast before, but my boyfriend and I are both entrepreneurs. He's, funny enough, a nonfiction book editor and author coach, and this is definitely the kind of book that we can sit down and go through together. So I really appreciated just that being part of the experience. And I'm sure that was like part of what you guys had in mind too, right?
Angela Mitchell: Yeah, absolutely.
Brittany Herzberg: So we're talking about your book and will you tell us like the full name of the book? Because I know it's Married and Magnetic and that'll be easier to say, but like what's the full name?
Angela Mitchell: Yeah, so it's Married and Magnetic: The Entrepreneur's Guide to a Thriving Marriage and Booming Business.
Brittany Herzberg: I love it. Did it take you very long to come up with the name or was like that a pretty easy thing?
James Mitchell: It was pretty easy once it landed. They were like, there it is. Right. Our main focus is on the marriage and how the marriage is the catalyst and the foundation for growing the booming business. There's a million books out there about how to grow your business, whether it's marketing or SEO, and there's a million books on out there about how to be an entrepreneur. And we really wanted to focus in on the marriage because that gets to be the rocket fuel for creating the business. And when somebody's created a successful business, we want them to be able to look at their spouse, their partner, their ride or die, and go, hey, not only do I have this, but we have this, and this is what makes everything else worth it.
Brittany Herzberg: Yeah, because so often it can feel like, and you even said this, but it feels like your marriage or your relationship is suffering at the expense of your business, and nobody wants that. Like, we have these businesses because we want to have this better life. One thing, I'm going to bring this up now because this was such a good quote when I read it. Both of us stopped because it was just like so good. But the quote goes, the good news is you don't have to choose between your marriage and your business. You just need the tools to navigate both. And I felt like not only was that a really good line, but you guys did such a good job of giving people the tools to actually like not just have this be like a pretty little like bookshelf trophy, but to actually implement it and do something about it.
Angela Mitchell: Yeah, that's big for me. Well, That's how I work. I love having tools, right? And just even having them in my toolbox, I don't have to use the hammer every day because sometimes I need a screwdriver, right? But I want to have all the tools so that when I need one, it's there. And also realizing that for entrepreneurs, we tend to be busy, right? And especially like us, we have 3 kids and 2 dogs on top of all of this. And so I wanted it to be tangible, right? So it's not just like, yes, we talk about why it's important, but then also like, well, what do you do about it? What's a tool I can use and pull out, you know, when I need it?
Brittany Herzberg: Yeah, for sure. And we're going to get into at least one of those, which I'm really excited about. So don't go anywhere. One question I had upfront is I could totally see someone making the argument for this in their head, so I just want to like get to it head on. We talk about entrepreneur couples, but does that mean that what you share in the book only will apply if both partners are entrepreneurs or if one person is an entrepreneur, could this count? Or like, talk to us about that.
James Mitchell: It might count more if only one person is an entrepreneur because there's a discrepancy in understanding and knowledge, right? And so if somebody doesn't have that knack or that desire to be in an entrepreneurship role, then they don't necessarily get it. And so getting the entrepreneur and what we call the anchor, right? Somebody who's got the W-2 job, or maybe even somebody that's just staying home and, and holding down that aspect of life. They have a bigger gap to fill to somehow get on the same page. So those entrepreneurs, as we call them, and then if you're in the same business together, right? So Angela and I are entrepreneurs in the same business. We call ourselves couplepreneurs. That has its own set of unique challenges.
Angela Mitchell: Who's the boss?
James Mitchell: Who is the boss? Who's the lead on this?
Brittany Herzberg: And which day of the week? Yeah. Yeah.
James Mitchell: Then there's two more types that we think this book really applies to. You have your parallelpreneurs.
Angela Mitchell: That's what you are.
James Mitchell: Right?
Angela Mitchell: Ooh. You both have your own businesses, right? Side by side.
James Mitchell: Right. So now we're competing for resources. Well, I want to get a new website and I need to, you know, I want a coach or I want this, right? And so how are we really navigating those aspects as they relate then back into the marriage and the decisions we're making. You know, we'll just stick to financially for a second as the marriage and also time. Like I'm traveling for this thing. And then there's the fourth kind.
Angela Mitchell: Uh, which is the side hustlers, which is often how we start, right? Like you have your W-2 or your steady paycheck and then you're like trying to build this business on the side and get it going so you, that can start to fund your life and that overworked and Yeah. And that usually, underpaid. yeah, for both sides.
James Mitchell: On that candle burning situation. And so that has it again. Its own set of unique challenges, but what is similar and what the vein that runs through this is entrepreneurial couples have a unique marriage. They have unique relationships and we have different challenges and different opportunities than couples that don't choose this path.
Brittany Herzberg: That is very true. And I like even seeing that it's not just challenges, that it is also opportunities as well, because this is the thing that's going to pop in most of our heads first. So let's stick with the challenges first. Are there common things that you see and is there anything that maybe like a newer entrepreneur versus a more established entrepreneur, like are there different things to be aware of maybe?
Angela Mitchell: Yeah, so I mean, I think a big thing for entrepreneurs is time, right? Like it's not a clock-in, clock-out job, right? We have a friend who said jokes, you know, he goes, I, I didn't want a 9 to 5, so I became an entrepreneur and now I work 5 to 9, right? Like, um, and it's kind of true, even if like you're physically not at work, often your brain is still there. There. So that can be a struggle whether you're both entrepreneurs or the other one isn't, right? Is like having the presence at home and when you're together, which hat do you have on? When, how do you turn it off? That can really create that. There's also the income instability. Oftentimes, you know, especially when you're first starting, you talk about new entrepreneurs, you're building your business. Oftentimes you're investing in your business before you're really profiting from your business. And that money is one of the big things that couples fight about. Um, so there's just scarcity oftentimes of energy, of time, of money, resources that can cause friction in relationships.
James Mitchell: For new entrepreneurs, there's a lot of intention that goes into what's my business plan and how am I gonna do this and who am I gonna have mentoring me and how am I gonna really set this business up for success? And there's a lot of excitement in that cuz there's a whole heart going and it's like, hey, and also there's a, sometimes a bit of that like healthy fear that says this needs to Right, right. This, work. This is how I'm going to feed myself. This is how I get the base level, going to take care of myself, my family, my life. But we also have those bigger goals. So it's really fun and exciting. And I also want to encourage everybody to slow down in that newer entrepreneur role to say, how are we going to make sure that our marriage remains a priority and we set up good systems and habits today and we don't wait till when? When we start a new business, like, okay, I'm going to do everything myself. I'm going to be my social media manager.
James Mitchell: I'm going to do my SEO. I'm going to be my bookkeeper. And then when I get to a level of success, I'm going to I start to hire it out. We see the same thing happening with marriages. Once my business is set up, then I'm going to go back and be able to have so much more time, effort, and energy for my marriage. And when we get to that point, now we're dealing with a lot of scar tissue and a lot of backlogged challenges that we haven't addressed. And so for our established entrepreneurs, we're now dealing with bad patterns, years, maybe decades of them, and it gets in the way of presence. It gets in the way of connection.
James Mitchell: And then it also starts to feel like, well, what was the whole point of this thing? Right? I wanted to have everything, or I wanted to have, I wasn't starting this to see my marriage suffer. And then all of a sudden when it does, it can start to put a strain, a bit of a slowdown on the business because now all of a sudden it's like, oh shoot, my marriage is suffering because I haven't put the energy into it. So then a bunch of energy now needs to go get put into our marriage and then our business starts to slow down. And so it can create this really rough cycle. So be intentional from the beginning about what it's going to take to keep both of those things growing and thriving.
Angela Mitchell: Yeah, I think those new entrepreneurs can fall into the trap, like James said, of the, well, I'll have more time when, right? Once my business is off the ground, I'll have more time. And yes, it does take a lot of energy to start a business, but we have seen very few entrepreneurs who, as their business grows, they get less busy, right? They tend to get more busy. And so you this, know, idea that, oh, I'll focus on the business now and then I'll have time for the marriage later just doesn't tend to be true.
Brittany Herzberg: It's so weird how that works. And I even laughed when James was saying that. I was like, yeah, no, I know. Because it's like, then you have other ideas or like you were talking about, like, I wanna go in this program or do this thing or invest in this thing.
Angela Mitchell: And I'm gonna start a podcast. I'm gonna write a book. Right? Yeah.
Brittany Herzberg: I'm gonna do like a private podcast on top of that.
James Mitchell: Right.
Brittany Herzberg: Because it's a great freebie. Like all these things, you never run out of ideas and it's probably almost like the blessing and the curse of being an entrepreneur cuz your brain is always going and you do always have those creative ideas. And even like what I'm hearing you say, like so much of that is going into the business and not so much into the marriage or the relationship. So one thing I'm really curious about, and I'm not even sure how to like phrase this, but coping mechanisms. Like I know that I'm someone who tends to avoid things because I don't want things to tip into explosive conversations or even just things that are uncomfortable. But are there other ways that you see people just dealing with or not dealing with or dealing with poorly any of these challenges or things? I'm sure you'll know where to go with that, but I was like, I don't know how to phrase it.
James Mitchell: That's a great phrasing. It's super clear. I mean, I'm going to go with two of the basic ones first. You know, we can start scrolling, start numbing ourselves and distracting ourselves with something that feels easier and something that we can have control over. We can pour ourselves into our kids, right? If we have those or our hobbies, right? Because it's like, oh, home has got tons of tension, but man, when I go out skiing, like things feel great again, I feel alive, right? So we start to really separate each other. Can start to drift a little bit. Um, but I think one of the main coping mechanisms that entrepreneurs use when the marriage is full of tension is the business. The business becomes a bit of the mistress.
Brittany Herzberg: Yeah.
James Mitchell: So to speak.
Brittany Herzberg: Yeah, that's a good point.
Angela Mitchell: They start putting their, yeah, their time and energy there rather than at home. You know, and I think coping mechanisms can be, I think, positive and negative, right? So like oftentimes What happens is we might come up with them to alleviate pain in the moment, but then they cause more pain down the road, right? As we do that repetitively. But I would say some healthier ways of handling it is that— and it takes some effort, but being— and you know, what we talk about in the book is having those tools to stay connected intentionally, which for us looks like having a marriage meeting once a week. Just like people have a business meeting, we have a marriage meeting once a week. We do ours on Sunday. It takes about an hour. We connect, how are we doing emotionally? What things do we appreciate about each other? What little conflicts do we need to resolve or nip in the bud? And then logistically, how are we planning our life this week?
James Mitchell: It's also worth mentioning a lot of what I see when I work with the men in these relationships, the coping classics are drugs, weed, big one, alcohol, and nicotine. So when we start leaning more and more on those to distract ourselves, to numb ourselves, to just make it easier to stand in our life, then that can also be a really easy yellow flag to notice that we're stepping into coping.
Angela Mitchell: What am I trying to avoid?
Brittany Herzberg: I'd be curious, do you have things, maybe Angela, that you notice with women of like where they tend to step out and go numb, I guess?
Angela Mitchell: Yeah, I mean, I would say women wine, right? Or at least in, in a lot of circles I— not whine with an H, but wine, like the beverage.
Brittany Herzberg: We have to clarify that. Yeah.
Angela Mitchell: And then I think too, if women in general— I'm going to not stereotype too much here, but just a little— in general, we have been raised and society has been more accepting of us actually feeling our emotions. Right. And so I think it is more common for us to feel our feelings and not numb them as much. Men, that has not always been an option. I think it's changing and it's getting better, but in previous generations or my sweet husband growing up in Texas, like boys weren't really supposed to cry or have feelings about things other than anger, right? And so, so then if you have those feelings, you have to, well, how do I get rid of it, right? Because I'm not supposed to have this. And so I think it is more typical for men, and men are learning now how to really feel their feelings and gain that emotional intelligence that has come more naturally and easily to women. I think the other thing too is women often have other female friends that they will talk to about some of these things. They'll talk about their relationship, in a way that men haven't always done with each other and are again having to learn to do.
Brittany Herzberg: That's a really good point. Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up because that— I was thinking of myself and I was like, I tend to escape into like stories, whether that's TV, movie, books. Like I'm going and looking at someone else's drama because then it's not mine, right?
Angela Mitchell: Yes.
Brittany Herzberg: I'm like, oh, this is just like a fantasy book. I'm just gonna go read this. Yeah, absolutely. But that's a really good point that women have had a little bit easier of a time with that and with emotions. We could go down a whole total like tangent with that, I'm sure. Yep. Okay. So that, I mean, that's definitely a good thing to think through.
Brittany Herzberg: So another thing in the book that caught my attention was like the pillars of connection because I was noticing it's like, okay, here's like the gone wrong. Here's things to like just catch yourself and be aware of. And then what are some things that we can use to like rebuild or even strengthen that connection depending on like, I guess how far gone you are.
Angela Mitchell: Yeah. So we talked about the three pillars of connection, being seen, appreciated, and desired. So oftentimes, and in my, what we call our like check engine light, when I start finding myself keeping score is usually how it shows up in me personally and being like, well, I did this the last three times. When's he gonna do that? You know, or that kind of stuff. Um, when I start noticing, um, just those little things, or maybe like I'm really irritated by how he's chewing or You know, I just like, it's allowed to where we're just gonna go ahead, but I start noticing that it's true though.
Brittany Herzberg: It's like those little things that it's just like, all right, it's gone too far.
Angela Mitchell: Yeah. Then I'm like, okay, where is our connection off? Because when we're connected, honestly, I mean, I might occasionally notice his chewing, but not as often. Right. Um, and I'm not like keeping score about who took out, you know, the trash last or whatever. And so I noticed those things. So then I can check in and go, okay, well, what of the 3 areas is off? Am I not feeling seen? Am I not feeling appreciated? I'm not feeling desired. And to really, for our connection to be solid, I want all three. And so seen is those things on, do I feel like he gets me? Like he is actually understanding me and who I am and how I operate.
James Mitchell: And hearing her when she brings that to me.
Angela Mitchell: Yeah. And so for entrepreneurial couples in particular, we talked about the like never clocking out and your mind always going. And that can just look like presence, right? Like when your partner's telling you about their day, like how can you really be present? Put down your phone. Listen, ask questions. Oh, how did you feel about that? Right? Or what did she say after you said that? Right? Like being curious is really helping them to feel seen, appreciated, right? So am I noticing and feeling noticed for the things that we're doing? And sometimes they can be just mundane things like, oh, hey, thanks for, you know, I noticed you did the dishes after lunch today because we both work from home, you know, so, and then desired because otherwise we can feel seen. And appreciated, and that would make us really great roommates.
Brittany Herzberg: Yep.
Angela Mitchell: But then that desire piece is that romantic partnership, that intimacy, right? Do— are we flirting? If he comes in for a hug, am I leaning into it or am I kind of brushing him off because I'm busy doing something else? Are we having time that we're setting aside for intimacy and connection?
Brittany Herzberg: Yeah, I can see how that's like a really good trifecta. And if one goes, it's like that you've got like this weird wobbly triangle table, right? Right. And it's just not going to work. Even as you were saying that, like, you can have definitely like the being seen, being appreciated, and that's immediately what came to mind was the roommates.
Angela Mitchell: Yeah.
Brittany Herzberg: It's like, oh yeah, we coexist like really great together. Mm-hmm. Okay. Keeping with desire for a minute and bringing it back to, you said that you have like the weekly marriage meeting. This is something I've definitely heard before and I've had conversations with people where it's like you can just tell that they're not up for the idea. And I'm sure that that is something that you deal with quite regularly with people. So what do you say to those people where there is resistance either in one or both parties to even like have a marriage meeting?
James Mitchell: And how important is it to be on the same page?
Brittany Herzberg: Right. And mic drop.
James Mitchell: How about that? Right.
Angela Mitchell: Yeah. I was gonna say I might be.
Brittany Herzberg: The end of the experience.
James Mitchell: You know, usually one of 'em really wants it and it's not across gender lines. It's not across personality types. It's that somebody is usually leading in an area. It could be finances, it could be intimacy, it could be family logistics. And they're going like, I want some help. But what we've also learned is that when you help your spouse, like you're not a partner in it. And so this meeting allows you to go from helper to partner in it. And this meeting has something for everybody and it will save you time and save you energy and save you mental load without fail.
James Mitchell: And so one of the things that Angela has always carried is the mental load of the family logistics. I don't like logistics. I mean, I, I appreciate them, but I'm not like, I'm not like a logistic kink, you know what I'm saying? You what know I'm saying? It's like what happens when we get to have this meeting once a week is all of our logistics get planned out in that 1 hour. Now things might shift a little bit throughout the week, but now we're just like making subtle tweaks. So for me, there's 1 hour a week that we're going to get into logistics. For some of our clients, there was 1 hour a week we're going to talk about our finances. Otherwise, he would want to talk about it every single day at every single opportunity. And so we're each getting something out of it.
James Mitchell: And one of the things that I love about this meeting that I get out of it is we schedule intimacy once a week. Usually the sexual intimacy type, but it doesn't have to be that. We're not trying to put pressure on it, but we're just making sure that we have space and schedule one of the most important things that keeps us connected in terms of the desire. So if I can walk away once a week going like, sweet, Wednesday night, Thursday afternoon, whatever it's gonna be, like, great, let's sit through the rest of this meeting and we're gonna make sure we get to that point. And we all walk away happy.
Angela Mitchell: I would say too, the, so there is something in it for everyone. We start with an emotional check-in and expressing appreciation. And then we get to logistics and finances and scheduling intimacy, scheduling time outdoors, scheduling exercise. The things that we say are important, we make sure they get scheduled in the calendar. Because if we just wait for the time to magically appear in our calendar, I don't know what your calendar looks like. Mine doesn't just like magically appear time. So there is something in it for everyone. And I would just challenge people too, if, if there is some resistance to it, just give it a shot.
Angela Mitchell: You don't have anything to lose by it. We found the couples we work with, like you said, it saves them time. You can do that hour a week, but it saves other hours of inefficiency, of disconnect, of arguing, like all the things. And oftentimes there is one person, like he said, that is wanting it more, and the other person then can— off— well, if they're resistant to it and their partner wants it, you might find that like, oh, my partner is such a much more pleasant person to be in partnership with when we've had this meeting, right? And so that's what's in it for them is like Well, when she's feeling good or he's feeling good, then everything in our life is like functioning better. And all I have to do is show up for this 1-hour meeting.
Brittany Herzberg: That's cool. I really like hearing that. Yeah. I like the first line though. I mean, like, how important is it to you? Very.
James Mitchell: Let's go.
Brittany Herzberg: That's also cool too about even thinking through like of the different areas that are covered in the meeting. What's the thing that's the standout to you that feels like the reward for sitting through the meeting and what's the thing for your partner, your spouse, that's going to feel like the reward for them. Like, that's almost kind of not dangling the carrot, but like dangling the carrot a little bit of being like, if you do this, we have this to look forward to.
James Mitchell: Yes, great relationships are always saying like, how can I show up as my best self to get them what they need? Like, I'm caring about her needs more than my own most of the time, right? There's always a few asterisks in there. And if both people in the relationship are very focused and intentional about doing what the other person needs to feel loved, now we've got a game. We've got the connection and we have the rocket fuel that allows us to move out of our— anytime we leave the house and leave our relationship, now I'm not sitting there putting a bunch of energy into like, oh, I just said the thing, or we're back to the same fight, or we're drifting, and I just want to feel desire, right? I'm putting all my energy towards what I'm creating instead of trying to come back and always figure out how to repair or how to create the connection that I truly desire.
Brittany Herzberg: Yeah, I love that so much. Okay. That kind of brings me into, you have this how to love me list and I read this and I was like, this is brilliant. So would you be willing to talk us through that? Cuz that was just such a standout thing where I was like, oh yeah, it's kind of like an owner's manual. This is brilliant. Like why hasn't anyone talked about this before?
Angela Mitchell: Yeah, I think the idea first spurred when I had our first kid and like I like left the hospital with this like little 7-pound infant in my car and I'm like, these people are just gonna let me drive away with this kid and I don't have an owner's manual? Like, I don't know how to do this. I've never been a parent before. But then it was like, oh, well, I could really use an owner's manual too for him. Like, how do I love him in the way that he wants to be loved? And some people may have heard of this, but we call it the Platinum Rule, right? So the Golden Rule, I think most people have heard of, right? Treat others how you would like to be treated. Platinum Rule takes that one step further and it says, treat others how they want to be treated. Because how I wanna be treated and how I wanna be loved is different than how he experiences and wants to feel loved. And so, you know, love languages are part of this. There's some other quizzes like that.
Angela Mitchell: We have an intimacy quiz, which is similar. What type of intimacy do you like to receive? So that's where kind of all this, the how to love me list was like, well, how could we create that for each other? Let's just make it really easy. I know some people will say, well, I don't wanna have to tell them. I just want them to like do it.
Brittany Herzberg: I just want them to know.
Angela Mitchell: That's really cute, but most people are not mind readers, right? And, and we haven't had each other's experience. And so really, and part of it, sometimes we don't even know what we want. If I don't know what I want, how can he know what I want?
Brittany Herzberg: Right?
Angela Mitchell: So like the first step of the list is getting clear yourself on how do you want to feel loved? Like what can the other person do that makes you feel loved? Which things land? Which things hit? Right? And really reflecting on that yourself.
James Mitchell: I think that's like one of the most powerful parts of this is getting clear on that for ourselves. And then there's also a power in it by when I say this is how I want to feel loved, it also gives me more permission to do that and almost like a lack of permission not to, right? When she does the thing that I've asked for, now it's up to me to let it in. And if I'm not letting it in, it's no longer about her and what she's doing. It allows us to see what the next opportunity, the next thing is for me to work on so I can let the love in. Mm-hmm. So once we have that list identified, we shoot for 10 and we use all those different, uh, like love languages. We like getting a common language too, right? This is how I like to be loved. This is how you like to get intimacy, right? And so once we have that common language, we've got our 10 things down.
Angela Mitchell: Well, I would say even the 10 things, there's a couple things as you're making it. So if you're gonna make the list, right? So you wanna reflect on what things make you feel loved. And I like to think about what things is he already doing? Right. That I would love him to continue because they do make me feel loved. I love that he makes the coffee every morning and sometimes even brings it to me while I'm getting ready. Right. It just like makes me feel for.
James Mitchell: Especially if.
Angela Mitchell: Cared.
James Mitchell: She'S in the shower.
Angela Mitchell: That's his ulterior motive for why he, why he brings it.
Brittany Herzberg: But I totally understand that. I think this sounds like a great plan. I think we should all adopt this.
Angela Mitchell: Exactly.
James Mitchell: Right.
Angela Mitchell: So there's that, right? What things maybe has he done in the past or done on occasion that I liked? And then maybe there's some new stuff, like he hasn't really done this, but I think this would feel really good. Right. I think I would really enjoy this. This would make me feel loved. So using kind of all of those. And then the other thing with the list is we want to be specific. So like, for instance, I like words of affirmation. Well, what do I want words of affirmation on? Do I wanna hear that I'm a great mom? Do I wanna hear that I'm a great business partner? Do I wanna hear that, you know, whatever, what are those, right? Tell me I'm pretty.
Angela Mitchell: You know, what is it that I wanna feel those words of affirmation on or hear them? And we have a cute client story that I'll tell very briefly, but we had a client, they did this list. And she put on there that she liked getting little love notes. And so her husband really took this to heart. He started leaving her love notes every day, all over the house. These turned into like pages. He was leaving her novels, right? All this stuff. And so we get back on our next meeting and she goes, well, turns out I don't actually love this. I don't have time to read all these pages.
Angela Mitchell: And I feel bad because he spent all this time writing it and all this stuff. But what she really wanted was the surprise. And when he was doing it every day, it wasn't a surprise. So she was like, I need to clarify. I want one like once a week that feels like a surprise and it can be short. It can be one sentence.
James Mitchell: Sticky note.
Angela Mitchell: Yes. Or sticky note. So it's important to be clear, right? On it.
James Mitchell: Clear is kind.
Angela Mitchell: Clear is kind.
James Mitchell: Right. And so once we've got that list, then we're gonna share it with each other and we're gonna go through it and like, explain this, tell me more. How can I do that? Once we get really clear and on the same page about that, the key to this is that we encourage you, this, we prescribe you to do on this list of 10, one thing a day, just one of the things per day that you can help fill up their cup of love. And now that you've got a bit of a bank right now, all of a sudden, one thing a day starts to overflow the love or filling in the relationship. And so once we get into that one thing a day, we also want to make sure we're not doing the same thing over and over again.
Brittany Herzberg: Just the easy ones.
James Mitchell: Feels easy to us.
Angela Mitchell: Just the coffee.
James Mitchell: Right. And so make sure that you're switching it up. Trying to work through the list and based on what's available to, and we also highly suggest that you do it as early in the day as possible. We want to start off on the right foot.
Brittany Herzberg: I like that tip. That's a really good idea. It does like totally trickle through the rest of the day.
James Mitchell: And it's going to evolve over time too. So that's one of the things every year since we've been engaged, we've gotten away, we call it our marriage retreat. And so we go away for a weekend and we talk about our vision. We talk about our strategy. We talk about the logistics and then we talk about our connection. Which is ultimately what makes the other two things worth it. And somewhere in there, we're looking at our how to love me list and saying, does this still apply to me? We can also do this at our weekly meeting. If it's like, you know what, I've been getting number one for far too long.
James Mitchell: Like, that's not working. I want to switch it up. And so as we grow and evolve and as our relationship grows and evolves, so is how we want to receive love. And so also full permission to let that change. And also, you know what, at any moment without notice, if there's one thing I learned back in 2020, things can change at any moment without notice.
Brittany Herzberg: Gee, how did you notice that?
James Mitchell: Oh, all right. So how you like to be loved can fall into that category. The key is, is that we're, we're showing up for each other how they want to be loved. And when we're both doing that, magic starts to happen. Mm-hmm.
Brittany Herzberg: I love that. That definitely has to start with yourself. And I think it was a couple years ago when I realized, I think it was someone asking me about like the vision I had for my business. It was a vision for something and I was like, I haven't paused long enough to think about where I wanna take this thing. It's just felt like survival mode. So anything that gets me to then like look ahead and really think about where do I wanna go with this, or what do I wanna feel, or what do I wanna do? I love that. And it does start with you. So if you're listening to this and you feel like me back then when I was like, I don't know what I want.
Brittany Herzberg: I don't know. Just like start to be aware, I think is what I would say. But is there any other tips or advice you would have for people if they really don't feel like they're in touch with themselves or don't know themselves well?
Angela Mitchell: So I think some of those personality quizzes out there, you know, for couples, obviously we mentioned Love Language. We have an Intimacy Styles quiz, but sometimes those can spark ideas, you know, in learning about ourselves. It can bring some self-awareness and then we can go, oh, I ranked, you know, my first love language is quality time. What does quality time look like to me? Does it mean sitting on a couch watching a movie together, or do we need to be talking, or is it out on a bike ride, right? Like, what's the ideal? And I think it's also some of it's permission to like wave a magic wand with yourself to go without all the, you know, shoulds and all the, well, that's not realistic and we don't have money for that. And you know, all those things we tell ourselves, excuses why we're not going to get what we want, just to like give yourself some time to dream and wave that magic wand and go, if there were no obstacles, what would I want? Right? And that can be just a fun way to start. And then we can start putting things more into reality, but it's fun to just dream at first.
Brittany Herzberg: That's a really good one. Is there anything else that you feel you wanna mention as we're wrapping up or anything that you feel like we didn't touch on?
James Mitchell: There's always this like, what's in it for me? Right? I can show up more intentionally. I can see her, I can do all the things, I can do the meeting right, right? And I can meet her where she wants to go or meet him where he wants to go or wants to be. For me, right, what it always comes back down to is my number one intimacy style is sexual intimacy. When I can meet her and I can see her and I can do the things that fill up her love tank because I'm doing one thing a day, inevitably it makes her feel more connected to me. It makes her feel safer in the relationship. And it always— I'm going to say always. We, we generally avoid using always and everybody— it always, asterisk, uh, creates more sexual intimacy in our relationship. Which then opens me up to more emotional intimacy and all the other types that we get.
James Mitchell: And so we get to go deeper and deeper as a couple and each be able to show up for each other in the ways that we really have always wanted to be loved. And that's what's worth it.
Brittany Herzberg: That's perfect. I love that. This is so good. Okay, so I know this book is out here. I know that this is a really good, helpful starting point for people. Again, it's called Married and Magnetic. I'll make sure I have the link below. But I would love for you to share, like, what other ways do you work with couples? And it could be free, paid, anything.
Brittany Herzberg: Like, how do you help people?
James Mitchell: That's great. We've got all of the above.
Brittany Herzberg: Yeah.
James Mitchell: We'd love to get people a flavor of our work. Uh, one of the easiest ways to get some flavors and start to see some of our tools, uh, we have a lot of free tools and we have some free once a week on Wednesdays, 11:00 AM Mountain Time in our Skool community, you know, just having an open call.
Angela Mitchell: And we also have free in our Skool community, so it's Skool if you're not familiar. So skool.com. Yeah, so our skool community, which is free, has a bunch of these free resources. So it has the weekly marriage meeting, our template we use. It even has some videos on like how to use it. You can access that for free. We have a couple other— we have.
James Mitchell: One called Sex for Busy Couples, how to get busy.
Brittany Herzberg: Perfect.
James Mitchell: Too busy.
Angela Mitchell: It's a free resource. So we have, so a bunch of free resources in our school community. And because we know people You're not gonna generally sign up for coaching or some of these other things until you trust the people. You've gotten the flavor, you see if they're your right vibe, do you resonate, right? So we have lots of free stuff for people, um, in our school community. And then yes, we do our paid stuff as we do two-on-two coaching, which is somewhat unique because it's our married couple. I'm a, I'm a counselor therapist and he's a coach. And so we work with other couples two-on-two, which is somewhat unique. Um, we also have groups, um, which is really great for bringing entrepreneurial couples together.
Angela Mitchell: We have mastermind groups, um, and that's great to build community and really get to support each other, to share our successes and our struggles and what we've learned and really help each other out.
James Mitchell: It's all by surrounding ourselves with other couples who get what it's like, because if you're not an entrepreneurial couple in any of the configurations we mentioned at the beginning of the show, you just don't get it. It's a different way to live. It's a different way to be in relationship. And so when we can get these people in a room to talk about what's working and what's not working, We're seeing a lot of momentum building and a lot of relationships creating just more love and more opportunity to reach their goals because they're so solid at home.
Brittany Herzberg: Yeah. Oh, I love that. Okay. I'm definitely going to be joining that skool community. I will have all of those links below. I'm just so grateful that you came on and especially came on to a show about SEO and were willing to talk all about like relationships and business and all the things.
James Mitchell: Before the show, I was like, how many analogies can we make to like tie it back to SEO? And it turns out I know like this much. This is me holding up a zero thumb if you're listening about SEO. So I was like, I'm not even gonna try to create any analogies towards SEO.
Brittany Herzberg: I know. I love it.
Angela Mitchell: I will say though, I emailed you about this, Brittany, but I had done one of your like free masterclasses and I implemented some of the things and then we got like the next week and our website was terrible. We had like no SEO on it. But I just implemented a couple of the really easy things and then we got like a couple people the next week that like found us from our website and I was like, ah, Brittany's magic.
Brittany Herzberg: I am, I am kind of magic. It's not me at all. No, but I'm, I'm so glad that you were able to come to that and take that away from the work. That's amazing.
Angela Mitchell: Yeah.
Brittany Herzberg: So I love that you shared that.
Angela Mitchell: Shout out to your work.
Brittany Herzberg: No, thanks. I'm happy to hear that it's working. Well, thank you so much for joining me. I'll make sure everything is below. Feel free to reach out to Angela and James. They're so sweet. They're great to talk to. Ask them questions, say hello, come find me in the skool group because I'm definitely going to be over there!
“I had done one of your free masterclasses and I implemented some of the things—our website was terrible. We had like no SEO on it. But I implemented a couple of the really easy things and then we got a couple people the next week that found our website and I was like… ‘Brittany's magic!’” —Angela
